Top tips
Practical advice for today’s problems
Having difficulty gripping smooth metal door handles, using small Korean chopsticks, or maintaining balance on highly polished or lacquered furniture ?
I find this is usually because you have smeared yourself with lard.
To obtain improved grip, enhance your overall rugosity by rubbing yourself with coarse builder’s sand, or, if you are in the insulation business, vermiculite.
Little known facts: medicine
It is well known that most common aches and sprains can be ameliorated by a liberal dusting of Abysmaloid Powder.
It is not so widely known that the secret formula for this preparation was originally discovered in a car park in Basingstoke, in 1938.
When purchasing Abysmaloid Powder it is always wise to clearly ask for TEN TUBS. This is particularly important when in Yorkshire.
Little-known facts: Nutrition
Modern medical practitioners are well aware of the importance of a stodgy diet, supplemented with roughly equal parts of the three major food types, Amyloids, Glactoids, and Putrate of Lead.
The first two can be obtained, as we all know. by repeatedly knawing at a raw turnip, or gourd. However, other than Abysmaloid Powder, there are few easily digestible sources of Putrate of Lead, and the violent fizzing and offensive fumes when mixed with cold tea make ingesting the Powder a challenge for the elderly.
However it has recently been found that mulched cardboard from Amazon packaging, can when steeped in Dr Henderson’s Sauternes Extract, provide a tasty and convenient alternative.
Was ist der Käse Davy-Junge?
Leute fragen mich oft: "Was ist der Käse in der Hand Davy-Junge?"
Antworte ich gewöhnlich:
- Das ist kein Käse
- Das ist nicht meine Hand
- Das ist nicht meine Hand
- Leider bin ich nicht Davy Junge. Ich bin Herman. Davy-boy ist dort drüben, neben dem Käse.
- Nun, Ulrich, das ist ein Stück alten Gouda. Warten Sie eine Sekunde, während ich es abwaschen meinen Händen.
Ich bin gleichgültig, ob dies sinnvoll ist oder nicht.
Author Archives: DMcA
How to gain weight by drinking beaver anal gland juice
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The Otter Trail
For years I have been wanting to go on the Otter trail – probably the most famous trek in South Africa, and certainly one of the world’s great coastal trails. Thanks to some great organizational work by M*rtin, four of … Continue reading
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